Over the weekend, I had a friend, "B," drive me to a rave. Strangely enough, even going there, I did not want to try ecstasy, as the only friend I was with, B, is a stoner who I do not trust. This isn't to say that stoners are untrustworthy, of course, as some of my most trusted friends happen to enjoy marijuana. I just don't trust B, as we were once at a party which I got far too drunk at. He acted like the friend he is... by taking pictures of me, showing them to everyone in school, and recounting the most embarassing things I did throughout the night. I considered him one of my best friends before that incident, and I've been fairly pissed at him ever since - he simply does not know it. As the Sicilians said, "revenge is a dish best served cold," and to simply confront B about how upset he made me so many months ago would be clumsy and ineffective. No, my revenge must be far more cold, calculated, and discreet than that.
When we got to the rave, B expected that I knew how to find ecstasy. I had kind of told him that it would be easy to find, I will admit - but that was a true statement. All I had to do was talk to people on the dance floor until one of them asked me if I needed "e-bombs." Take this as a note, kids: all you need to do to find ecstasy is to make small-talk. Ask if who you're talking to goes raving often, ask where they got those cool glowsticks, hell, ask them for some "candy" if you need to. It isn't hard.
After buying three ecstasy pills for $50, B led me to the bathroom, where he wanted to take the ecstasy with me. Initially, I refused - he had been stressing that we were not going to be at the rave for very long, and I saw taking ecstasy right before leaving a rave to be a waste of a perfectly good substance. Also, I will admit, I was somewhat nervous, as I have not tried ecstasy. Did I really want to go this next step after pot?
B responded to my uneasiness by nagging at me. He reminded me that I had wanted to try E (which is true), that I had been the one to find out about the rave (which is true), and that I had asked for him to drive (which is true). He continued to bug me, and I grew annoyed that he wouldn't respect the fact that I was "sketching out." Angry at him for trying to peer pressure me, and still bitter about the party several months ago, my cowardly and conniving sides joined forces and decided to go into the stall and pretend to swallow the pill. I put it in my pocket and told him I had taken it. True, it was cowardly of me, but when he went in and then chewed an ecstasy pill himself, I couldn't help but grin. For most of the way up to the rave, B was unsure if he wanted to try ecstasy, and was more excited about the possibility of finding LSD, which he really wanted to try. In effect, I had just manipulated him into not only driving me over an hour to get to a rave, but also into taking ecstasy alone.
I felt guilty, and a small part of me still wishes that I had tried the drug and stayed at the rave for a couple more hours. I don't actually feel very sheepish for chickening out, but the guilt arises from the fact that I lied to a friend. Still, I saw it as the only way out of his peer pressure.
When we drove back to town at one in the morning, we met with a friend, J, and gave him a pill that we had bought for him. We topped off the night by driving through the sparsely populated hills smoking pot (a "hilly") and going to Denny's. While at Denny's, I told J that I hadn't actually taken my pill while B was in the bathroom. We agreed that, since I still have my pill, we'll definitely need to roll in the near future.
Through all of this, I honestly don't know what to think. If I hadn't tricked B, I wouldn't have heard the end of it until I dropped the "e-bomb." If I had actually rolled as a response to his peer pressure, I would definitely feel far worse than I do now. If B ever finds out, he'll likely be mad, but I do not mind: he tried to pressure me into taking a drug that I did not wish to take at the time and he made my life a living hell following that drinking party months ago.
Rolling with J in the near future while B can't due to the fact that he took his ecstasy pill may be a sweet form of revenge. This entry is being posted so that I can look back and see how I felt about this in hindsight.
A good night to all reading this. Hopefully, the manipulating bastard that resides within me will not strike without justification in the future - and whether that bastard had justification this time is what I am currently trying to figure out.